After breakfast, nothing really happened. But, it was one of those mornings that promotes a lot of thinking, and as such, he was thinking about them. If this continues, he wondered… He is often times so fatalistic, and he hates it, these ideas and questions. But so many times it turns out so much better than expected. A long time ago, he realized that by having no expectations, he was rarely let down. She let me into her life, and thus far, it has been nothing but complete inspiration, love and an overwhelming feeling of romanticism. He didn’t think this would end, and he knew it from the beginning.She was ready to go out, but she knew that he wanted to stay in for the day, even though the weather was so nice – but she also knew that she could convince him to go for a walk later. She loved those walks around the park, just them, no dogs, no people around, so late in the evening. Arm in arm, talking frankly about whatever popped into their minds — each and every thing, nothing to hold back. It was neutral ground really — a place to discuss and think, but together, not on their own.
The only thing is that so many times, those walks ended with a feeling of, well, nothing really. She so often wished for more, but didn’t know what to say. Going home, it always seemed that the computer beckoned them. He wanted to read, but not a screen, instead a page of a book — a piece of literature. The end of the newspaper magazine was always looming on the bedside table, waiting for him to finish the crossword puzzle — he did them, but secretly, hated it, they always made him feel inferior for not knowing more words, more definitions.
Later that night, she snuck into bed, next to him, he was half asleep, but knew when she arrived — he could still smell the lingering scent of toothpaste and soap. Smells are import for him, he thought about the time he first realized her scent, when he could recognize it, remember it, think about it as an actual thing. It made him excited. She made him excited, and ever more, it was just a look or a touch of her hand against his leg. She knew this — and did it on purpose…even though he knew exactly the spots on her body she loved touched. It was becoming too easy these days, these lazy days spent at home, doing nothing of consequence, but they meant so very much to him. Late that night, while trying to fall back asleep, he realized that it was these types of things, experiences, thoughts, and daily activities that people miss the most when they aren’t there. He hates routines, but these, they are different — the function outside of routine. They are feelings, emotions, relationships to each other on a level that is beyond love, beyond compassion — so far beyond these that they transcend their lives, which have become so easily entwined. He realized, at that moment in time, lying there in bed with her, that there is no other place in the world he wanted to be. He also realized that his love for her had grown to a point of no return.
Category: People
You, the one who is not only able to understand my thoughts, and my actions, but navigate the treacherous terrain that is my mind — I find so much peace in this fact. That you are here. I’m left speechless on so many occasions, that I can’t imagine what I could possibly say to convey the thoughts I have in my head – there are no words available to me, in my vocabulary.
When I’m With You, I Forget Myself.
N-14

I’ve felt very connected to people in new ways over the past month or so. I think I’ve gotten to know myself a bit better. But new connections are always a little bit like getting into a hot bath. At first, it is startling, but as you sink into it, it gets better and better. That’s how things have been progressing. Slow at first, but amazingly wonderful as it has moved along. It is a great feeling to really be able to understand—to have a connection that seems to transcend normal understanding. To not only learn about your relationships, but yourself in return, because of those people, this person.
I fall into these autumn feelings of desperation and despair, and who wouldn’t with the weather the way it is here in the northern part of the planet. It gets under you skin and somehow gives us the ability to become drastically introspective in thought. This rarely is beneficial — unless you are a romantic and your thought processes, your writing, your ability to function on a daily basis is somehow related to the melancholy mood of the fall air, the cloudy day, the simple moon at night.
Then, I think of people, of these amazing people that I know. I think of individuals that not only move me out of this feeling, but into a warm glow of autumn sun, somehow coming from within them.
Sometimes desperation is the only thing that gives me hope for something better.
