N-14

I’ve felt very connected to people in new ways over the past month or so.  I think I’ve gotten to know myself a bit better.  But new connections are always a little bit like getting into a hot bath.  At first, it is startling, but as you sink into it, it gets better and better.  That’s how things have been progressing.  Slow at first, but amazingly wonderful as it has moved along.  It is a great feeling to really be able to understand—to have a connection that seems to transcend normal understanding.  To not only learn about your relationships, but yourself in return, because of those people, this person.

I fall into these autumn feelings of desperation and despair, and who wouldn’t with the weather the way it is here in the northern part of the planet.  It  gets under you skin and somehow gives us the ability to become drastically introspective in thought.  This rarely is beneficial — unless you are a romantic and your thought processes, your writing, your ability to function on a daily basis is somehow related to the melancholy mood of the fall air, the cloudy day, the simple moon at night.

Then, I think of people, of these amazing people that I know.  I think of individuals that not only move me out of this feeling, but into a warm glow of autumn sun, somehow coming from within them.

Sometimes desperation is the only thing that gives me hope for something better.

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